If you make art, you have to learn to deal with rejection. It doesn’t mean you can’t cry. It doesn’t mean you can’t throw things. But then pick yourself up (the broken pieces of yourself and any object you may have thrown) and get back at it. It hurts. It rips you apart. It makes you question your talent, skills, and existence on Earth, but it’s part of the creative process. Writers, actors, painters, musicians—-listen to me loud and clear: rejection is part of the process. Repeat that to yourself. 

Recently one of my dearest friends (like the kind you can talk to about anything, even the smelly, gross stuff) read my recent novel. She had some very positive things to say. But then she says to me something like this: “Is there a friendship waiver we can sign? I really could just lie to you, but how would that help you?” This is how I like to live—I’d rather risk losing friends than not tell them the truth when it counts. Like really counts. So of course, I braced myself and told her to go for it. I appreciated her gentle approach and introduction to the critique though. “You are a solid, good writer, Elaina, but I really didn’t like the story. I had trouble connecting to it.” 

The next two days I held tears in so hard that it gave me a headache. Why did I hold it in? Because I had to be a mom and a wife. (A terrible, bitchy wife, at that), but it wasn’t the right time to cry. Not until I could get in the car and drive my car over the bridge into Lavalette.) The pity party began. A different friend and licensed therapist (total and utter coincidence) made me exit that party fast. Thank you. I thank both friends. Both women. See: teamwork! 

Now what? Do I scrap the story? Start over? Do I quit writing? NOPE. I wait for my editor’s last round of notes and make those changes, mixed with some of the changes that my very real and smart friend suggested (the one who didn’t love it) She didn’t love my book, but she told me that because she loves me. This is how I am dealing with rejection. Pushing myself harder and longer and fiercer. Oh and I started writing a new novel. Just for this friend. 🙂 

Rejection is part of the process. Having parents who never coddled me also helps me survive these types of days. Having parents who really just want me to stick to teaching also helps me survive these days. Having an in-law aunt who supports my writing helps too. It takes a village to nurture an aspiring author. We can be a desperate folk at times. 

So…when you get rejected: cry, fight with your husband, yell at your kids…but then move on and be a better person in all of those areas next time. It’s very human. (I love you honey. Sorry I can be impossible, and yet you still fold all the laundry). 

Thank you my friend for your honesty. It confirms how real you are to me. Not that I ever needed to double-check. 

**Writers—-find these kinds of friends who won’t lie to you to spare your feelings. OH and listen to the universe. The second I finished crying my eyes out, I walked into an antique shop and this song was at the ripe beginning on a local radio station, and we all know she’s always looking out for me. MADONNA

Love,

Elaina